The One Where Kurt Sleeps Around
by ilikewhitevans
Summary: The boys of the glee club have something to learn about Kurt


Title: The One Where Kurt Sleeps Around

Author: Lezgirls65

Rating: PG-13 for Language

Pairing: Kurt/All the girls, Side Brittana, Mentions of Faberry

Summary: All the boys are bragging about sleeping with the girls, but Kurt has a secret that they don't know.

Spoilers: None, I'm ignoring some of Season Two spoilers.

The guys were sitting in the choir room waiting on the girls to return. Puck, Finn, Matt and Mike were on the top row of the bleachers, with Kurt and Artie sitting on the bottom row and the floor (respectively).

"Dude, this is gonna be sweet."

Kurt rolled his eyes at Puck's statement. Of course it was going to be sweet. Kurt had choreographed the whole thing with Brittany and Santana's help. You don't just choreograph a routine to Umbrella without it being amazing. The costumes however were difficult so the ladies of McKinley High's Glee club were forced to retire to the restrooms to change.

"Of course it is, you Neanderthal. It's genius." Kurt threw back at him.

Puck just smirked and flexed his guns at Kurt.

They sat in silence for a few moments. Kurt checking his nails, Artie rolling back and forth in short strokes, Puck checking himself out, Finn drumming a light beat on his legs, and Matt and Mike doing a few dance moves in their chairs.

Kurt heard Puck behind him inhale sharply before speaking again, this time to Mike. "So man, have you got with Tina yet?"

The entire group turned to look at Mike, who was slowly turning red from the tips of his ears and down his neck. "I don't kiss and tell."

Puck sneered and lifted his eyebrows. "Dude, that's such a girly answer. Have you or have you not done it?"

Mike looked nervous for a second before the blush returned to his cheeks and he nodded slowly, earning him a round of high fives from the guys, minus Kurt. Finn spoke up this time. "Were you a virgin before that?"

"No. I dated that other Cheerio girl before, remember? Jennifer? We dated for like four months and we did it a few times." He said, confidently. Finn nodded, but Kurt noted that the look on his face made it obvious that he was thinking hard about something.

Matt spoke up then. "I dated her best friend, Morgan. You know her, Mike?" When he received a confirmation from his friend, he continued. "We hooked up. I also hooked up with Mia. She's on the dance team. And Kristin, but that girl was a freak, man."

The other football players discussed the intricacies of Kristin's freakish nature for a few moments and Kurt zoned out. Really? This is what straight guys discussed on a normal basis?

"Dude, this sucks." Kurt was pulled out of his mind, when he heard Finn's voice rise above the others.

He turned and addressed the awkward boy. "What in your life could possibly suck, Finn?"

Finn stood and walked to the front, facing the other boys. "I dated Quinn and Rachel a long time."

Kurt raised an eyebrow, imploring how that could be determined as bad.

The other boy just sighed and shook his head. "I actually dated both of them but the only person I ever got that far with was Santana, who is as easy as a first grade math test." Puck smirked at the mention of the brunette cheerleader, focusing on the memories of their times together. "So yeah. That part sucks."

Puck spoke next without thinking. "Dude, you weren't missing much with Quinn." Upon seeing the look that crossed Finn's face, he had the sense to look guilty. "Shit. Sorry, man. But you really weren't. And I bet I can beat all of you guys."

Artie looked unconvinced. "Really? Do tell."

Puck saw the challenge and took it. "Fine. I will. Mrs. Jensen, Santana, Brittany, Lauren, Mrs. Richardson, the other Mrs. Richardson, and Katrina, the foreign exchange student from Romania or whatever last year." He said, ticking them off on his fingers as he named them.

The other boys' faces held a mix of expressions. Matt and Mike looked impressed, Finn and Artie looked frightened, while Kurt remained stoic.

Puck, obviously proud of himself, jutted his head out at Artie, "There. Proved it."

There was a rush of movement, then, all the football players and Artie meeting him in the middle of the room with high fives and seemingly endless questions. This continued for a minute or so, before they realized that Kurt hadn't moved one inch.

The mohawked boy pursed his lips. "What Homo Explosion? Not impressed?"

Kurt let out a small chuckle. "No, I am impressed with you, Puck. But I'm not impressed with the rest of you." He pointed at each one of them as he rose to stand.

Then he let out the most shocking piece of information any of them had ever heard.

"I've slept with every girl in Glee so I think the only person beating me is Puck. And I doubt Puck's ever woken up with three girls in his bed."

All five boys' jaws dropped. And then a united chorus of "What?" was thrown at Kurt.

He couldn't have looked more smug if he had just singlehandedly changed Rachel's entire wardrobe. "It's true."

The boys all started to speak up at once, before Puck reached his arms out pulling holding them back, and spoke over all of them. "Okay explain. Now"

Kurt smirked. "Well…"

_Mercedes, Kurt, and Tina gawked at Quinn, eyes wide and mouth gaping. "You've what?" She screeched. _

_Quinn looked to the ground, blushing slightly. "I've never seen Dreamgirls." _

_Kurt huffed dramatically and placed a hand to his chest. "Well, my dear, sweet, innocent, uneducated Quinn, we shall fix this." With that he took Quinn's and Mercedes' hands in his and dragged them to his basement, Tina following close behind. _

_Once they were downstairs, he pulled a remote from the nightstand drawer, and pressed a button. A television suddenly emerged from behind two cabinet doors set on the wall opposite his queen-size bed. _

"_Alright, you ladies, settle yourself on the bed and I will be back in a moment." With that he took off up the stairs, leaving the girls to settle themselves in. _

_When Kurt came back downstairs, DVD and non-buttered popcorn in hand, he smiled at the girls. Quinn and Mercedes were on one side of the bed, Tina on the other side, with a spot between the two left open for him. He popped the movie into the player, grabbed the remote and dove onto the bed, causing the girls to let out giggles and pull him to the head of the bed, before helping him fix his hair. He pushed play and reveled in the feeling of his girls cuddling into him. _

_3 hours later when Burt Hummel came down to check on his son and the girls who he almost considered daughters now, he was surprised to find all four of them asleep. He smiled to himself and walked down the remaining stairs to turn off the TV and push it back into the cabinet. He pulled the quilt that was at the foot of the bed over the four kids, taking in their positions. _

_His son was in between Mercedes and Quinn, now. When he had come down earlier, he was between Mercedes and Tina. He had one hand interlocked with each of theirs' and his head was resting on Quinn's, whose head was resting on his shoulder. Mercedes and Tina's hands were interlocked and they were curled up next to each other, practically spooning. Tina and Quinn had somehow managed to link hands across the other two and they were resting on Kurt's stomach, rising and falling with each breath he took. _

_He smiled again, and reached to turn the light off, only to look back again, and see Kurt's brown eyes looking up at him sleepily. Burt held a finger to his lips and nodded his head lightly. "It's fine." He whispered. _

_Kurt nodded, falling asleep as he did so, resting his head back on Quinn's. _

_Burt smiled and turned the light off, plunging the room into darkness._

_When Kurt woke up the next morning, the first thing he noticed was the tickling sensation on his nose. Opening his eyes slowly, he became very aware of the mane of blond hair in front of him. As he slipped back into consciousness, he became aware that there were warm bodies pressed both to his back and his front. He was also lying on his side and there was an arm around his stomach and his arm was around someone's stomach. _

_He pushed up on his elbow, to take in more of his surroundings. Quinn was lying in front of him, her face peacefully relaxed, arms tucked under her head. Mercedes was behind him mouth open slightly and had one arm around his stomach and the other resting above her head. Tina was curled up on the other side of Mercedes, an arm around her waist. They had apparently all turned on their sides and were spooning. He smiled and decided they could use a few more hours of sleep, before falling back to the bed, with a soft exhalation. _

_Knock Knock. "Kurt."_

_Knock Knock. "Kurt."_

_Santana huffed, before banging on the door. "Hummel! Open up or I will cut up all the Marc Jacobs in you're closet."_

_Immediately the door flew open, revealing Kurt in a pair of pale blue boxers and a white v-neck t-shirt. He pointed a finger at her "Santana Lopez, you will do no such thing, or I will tell Coach Sylvester about your weekly appointments with Ronald McDonald." _

_He finished his threat by poking her in the chest, before she stepped aside and revealed Brittany, wearing a pink shirt with ducks on it, with sinfully short striped shorts. "We were rooming with Q, but, apparently, since she and Berry have become an item, they can't sleep without each other. And by sleep, I don't mean sleep." She rolled her eyes. _

_Kurt scrunched up his nose in disgust. "Not something I needed to know, Santana."_

"_Whatever." She shrugged. "But B and I need a place to sleep that isn't going to be contaminated by those two. Plus neither one of us perform well on a few hours of sleep. And we want to perform well since it's Nationals. Can we sleep in you're room?" She gestured into the room behind Kurt. _

_He started to protest but he caught Brittany's eyes and followed her gaze to the bed that was visible from her position. He also noticed that she was practically asleep standing up next to her brunette counterpart._

_He sighed, before smiling, and nodding. He stepped aside to let them in. "But there's only one bed so we have to share. Cause I am not sleeping on the floor. I already requested new sheets, but I have no idea what kind of germs are on this floor." _

_The girls both nodded on their way inside. Brittany took a spot on the left side of the bed, while Santana excused herself to the restroom. Kurt was standing at the foot of the bed, flipping through channels, when he felt the warm arms encircle his waist from behind. "Thank you for letting us stay here. Santana would have felt really uncomfortable in the room. Even if she does like that Rachel and Quinn are together now. She never would tell you that herself though. And just a little secret from me to you" She paused and he turned to face her. "We do the same thing. I sleep at her house almost every night. And if I'm not there, she's at my house." _

_He laughed lightly and pulled her into a tight hug for a few moments before Santana stepped out of the bathroom, turning the light off. _

"_You better stay away from my girl, Kurt. I might have to beat you up." She threatened, but she was smiling, so he didn't take her too seriously. _

"_Never. You're much too scary." He winked at her and moved out of Brittany's embrace to settle on the right side of the bed while Brittany and Santana moved to the left side. He reached over to turn his bedside lamp off and when he turned back, he felt himself blush._

_Brittany and Santana were sharing a kiss. It wasn't obscene or anything. They just looked so in love that he had to turn away. When he did, he heard Santana whisper, "I love you." and Brittany whisper, "I love you, too." Before they climbed into bed._

_Brittany was facing Kurt and Santana was behind Brittany holding her close. Kurt turned the TV off and when he put his hand back down on the bed, it was grasped in Brittany's warm one. "I love your soft baby hands." was the last thing he heard before they all fell asleep._

_Kurt was, once again, woken by knocking on his door. Only this time, it was Mr. Schuester._

"_Kurt?" There was a pause, and another knock. "Kurt? Are Brittany and Santana in there with you?"_

_Kurt rolled out of the bed, attempting to flatten his hair down. He padded to the door and opened it, revealing an almost panicked looking Mr. Schuester. "What?" He asked, mind still hazy from sleep._

"_I asked if Brittany and Santana were in there with you." He repeated. _

_Kurt furrowed his eyebrows and opened the door wider and stepped aside, pointing to the bed, where the two were still cuddling together. "Those two? Yes. They came in here last night."_

_Mr. Schuester sighed with relief and Kurt could see the tension leave his shoulders. "Oh. Good." He turned to leave but paused. "I know, I probably don't have to worry about this, but nothing," he searched for the word, "funny happened in there last night, did it?"_

_Kurt laughed. "If by funny you mean me seeing Santana being anything but bitchy, yes. But no. Nothing of a sexual nature happened in here last night. Unless it was them while I was asleep, but I think even Brittany would say no to that."_

_Mr. Schuester nodded then walked down the hall. " Oh, by the way, you have an hour and a half before we have to be downstairs. Tell them, too?"_

_Kurt shut the door before waking the girls and claiming the shower first._

"_Hey." Kurt pressed the phone closer to his ear, trying to hear the voice on the other end that sounded so weak. _

"_Hey, dear. What can I do for you on this fine Ohio evening at," he paused to look at the clock, "2:30 in the morning?"_

_He listened intently but all he could hear was quiet sobbing. He sighed empathetically. "I'll be there in ten minutes." And he hung up the phone._

_He slid the phone into the pocket of his sweats, threw on a v-neck, and walked up the stairs to his dad's bedroom. He shook Burt awake lightly. He awoke with a grunt and opened his eyes blearily. "What? What's wrong?" He said, his face immediately showing the panic in his brain. _

_Kurt shook his head. "Nothing, I just need to go see a friend."_

"_Kurt, it's two-thirty in the morning. Where do you need to go?" He sat up in bed, turning on the lamp. _

_Kurt sighed, and quirked an eyebrow, imploring him to read his mind. "You know where. Same place I had to go to last month. And two weeks before that, and a week before that."_

_Burt's eyebrows rose in understanding, and he nodded. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."_

_Kurt grabbed and squeezed his hand. "I'll be back in the morning for a change of clothes."_

_He gave the hand one more squeeze and watched Burt slide back under the covers, before turning off the lamp and walking out to the kitchen to grab his keys. He walked to his car, yawning, got in, and started driving. _

_He pulled to a stop outside of the quaint two-story house and put his car in park. Getting out of the car, he stretched his arms and legs, before walking up the sidewalk to the red door, and knocking softly. Immediately, a short bald man opened the door, smiling sympathetically at him, and pointing up the stairs. "She's up there."_

_Kurt stepped inside, closing the door behind him. "What happened this time?"_

_The bald man, Elias, just shook his head. "I don't know. She won't tell us. I just heard yelling and then two doors slamming. We went to check on her but she wouldn't even let us in the door." _

_Kurt nodded and followed Elias into the kitchen, where Michael was sitting at the bar, a cup of something steaming in his hands. He was staring intently into the mug, practically burning a hole through it. "Hey, Michael."_

_Michael looked up at his name, face hard and brows furrowed, until he saw Kurt. "Hey. How are you?"_

_Kurt chuckled humorlessly. "About the same as you. Tired, but worried."_

_Michael let out a hearty laugh. "Fair point. We already made her a cup of tea." Kurt looked to the stove where a kettle was just starting to whistle. "We figured it'd be best if you took it up to her."_

_Kurt nodded. "Probably. Nobody wants hot tea thrown at them, especially at almost three in the morning." _

_The two men nodded and released small smiles, before Elias handed Kurt the mug and gestured towards the entryway, and the stairs. Kurt smiled finally, at them before making his way out and up, into the hallway and to a door with a gold star on it._

_He took a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever was behind the door. He knocked gently. "Rachel?" _

_When he received no answer, he turned the knob and cracked the door open. "Rachel? I have something for you." He put the mug through the opening and was relieved when a small, very non man-like, hand retrieved it, before opening the door fully. _

_He took in Rachel's appearance as the door opened. She was wearing black flannel pants with gold stars all over them, the ones he knew were her favorites, and a white gold shirt that had the word 'Star' printed on it. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. Her hair was kind of a mess. She basically looked like hell. _

"_Hey." She said quietly before turning back into the room, a silent invitation for him to follow, which he did. Once inside, she patted the bed and he sat down next to her. They sat in silence for a few moments, before he leaned back on his hands, sighed and turned to look at her again. Her head was down, and she was staring into the mug, much like Michael had been earlier. _

_He spoke then, softly. "What happened?"_

_She didn't move, but matched his volume. "We had a fight. She left."_

_They sat unmoving while he thought of something to say. "What did you fight about?"_

_She sighed before rolling her neck. He sat up and placed a hand on the back of her neck, massaging lightly. "A dream." _

_He scrunched his head up in confusion. "A dream?" He repeated._

"_Yeah. I had a bad dream while we were sleeping and it woke her up." She looked at him, eyes brimming with tears. _

_He immediately felt anger. How stupid. "So she was mad because you woke her up?"_

_She giggled softly, before shaking her head and rolling her eyes. "No, we fought about the dream." The small smile she was wearing fell again._

"_Oh. What was it about?" He said, stilling his hand. _

_She turned to face him, pulling one leg up under her, leaving the other dangling off the edge of the bed. "It was about sophomore and freshman year."_

_Realization dawned on Kurt and he let his hand fall to rest on her thigh, squeezing it affectionately. "Oh." That's all he could come up with. All he could think of._

"_Yeah." She dropped her head again, and he could see tears falling onto her lap and bedspread. _

"_So what happened?" He asked again._

_She sighed, yet again, before launching into the story. "I guess I was whimpering or something while I was asleep, and she woke me up. But when I woke up, I didn't realize I was awake so I just started backing away from her. Of course, then I fell off the bed, and that woke me up enough to realize that it was the Quinn I know now, rather than the Quinn from back then."_

"_She asked me what happened, and I didn't want to tell her because I'd have to tell her that I've this dream more than once, but you already know that." She gave Kurt a pointed, but appreciative glance. "So I shut my mouth, which is rare I know, but it felt necessary. And then she got mad because I wasn't talking, so I started talking, and then she got mad because," and she finger quoted this part, " 'if I was having this dream regularly I should have told her because it meant that some part of my subconscious still didn't trust her.' So then we got into that argument and she called me a 'self-centered diva' because I didn't tell her and I just wanted to be dramatic and 'suffer alone' when really all I wanted to do was try and work through it without her knowing, and you helped me do that, but apparently not enough. Then she said to call her when I stopped being so selfish, slammed the door, and left."_

_By the end of her rant, she was openly crying and struggling to breathe. Kurt pushed gently on her shoulders, guiding her to lay back on the bed, her head on his shoulder, a position he found himself in a lot, with both the brunette and her blond counterpart._

_He just held her for a few minutes before speaking. "Maybe you should talk to her about it. When you are both not tired and half asleep. You should just sleep tonight, calm down, and talk to her tomorrow."_

_She had sufficiently calmed down by now; enough that he wasn't having trouble understanding her when she spoke, "Yeah. Maybe you're right."_

_He tilted his head up to look at her. "Who knows? Maybe you can even sing to her in Glee."_

_She smiled, and met his gaze, "Yeah? You think?"_

_He nodded, "Of course. I'll even help you pick out a song if you want?"_

_Her eyes widened and she made a move to get up, presumably to start looking through her catalogue of songs, before he pushed on her shoulder and forced her back down to the bed. When she started to protest, he just shook his head. "In the morning. Look." _

_He pointed to the clock beside her bed, glaring "4:00 AM" at them. "Get some sleep and we'll talk about it after we get some sleep."_

_She pouted but after seeing his look of resolve, she laid back down._

_When her breathing was even and her face relaxed, he allowed himself to finally sleep._

As he finished telling his stories, he looked at the boys surrounding him. They were looking at him with blank expressions.

"So no. I'm not impressed with you guys, except Puck of course." He gave the muscular boy a nod, which was returned. Slowly the boys started to shake their heads, before Finn stood up and looked at Kurt, an obvious anger pervading his features.

"Dude, you help Quinn and Rachel with their issues? What the hell, man? Aren't we brothers?" He yelled at Kurt, throwing his arms in the air.

Kurt rolled his eyes at Finn. "Our parents aren't married yet, Finn. And yes, as an honorary girl, I elect to help all of the ladies in our club with their issues, even the issues they have with each other."

"Not cool, Kurt, not cool." He said before sitting back down in his chair.

Just then the girls, freshly dressed in their outfits, returned to the choir room, giggling and speaking quietly. Mercedes and Tina were sporting large smiles, Brittany and Santana were walking silently but their pinkies were linked and swinging loosely between them, and Rachel and Quinn flowed in last, Quinn with her arm around Rachel's shoulder, and Rachel's around her waist.

They all saw the looks on the boy's faces as they came in, before Santana spoke. "What'd we miss?"


End file.
